Quick check-in with the flock

And more announcements!

Greetings readers and friends,

I hope you are all keeping well. Toronto is snowing at the moment. Grocery delivery be blessed. It was nice writing by a window all day with a hot chocolate. Maybe I’m nuts, but I also love standing on the heating vents in the cold. Air out my inner Marilyn Monroe. I grew up in Karachi where the whole world was a giant heating vent. If Marilyn Monroe came to Karachi, the iconic photo would be air blowing out of an air conditioner. Standing on the vent is like an antigravity warm shower. But you don’t have to take your clothes off or dry yourself after. Highly recommend. We never had a heater at all in Karachi. I’ve lived in Canada without air conditioning. In case you can’t tell I’m not good with small talk.

No matter what I do in my life, my preferred outcome is always to get to know more people. If I meet new people and make new friends, I feel like I’ve won no matter the cost. Having survived periods of deadly loneliness, and having enjoyed life long friendships, it’s the only addiction I can not bring myself to entertain giving up.

I am aware that a lot of the stuff I write about is intense and inflammatory. I wanted to send out a short check-in email, and ask after how you all feel about the direction the newsletter is going in. The numbness that my trauma has gifted me makes me worry I’m steam rolling the people around me without sensitivity. I think so little about what I say that it scares even me. I’m the sage you find at the bottom of a spiral, not the top of a mountain. There have been times when I’ve shared one of my own experiences and the person I was talking to had an end to end complete panic attack.

Trauma and writing about it leaves me feeling on edge and I’m sure it leaves you all with feelings as well. But I wanted you to know that I would love to hear back from you, encourage you to engage with my content, and be a part of the discussion around trauma and mental health.

I’m a very laid back and open individual and I can think of no better way to enjoy my time than to get to know you all.

I also wanted to remind you, that working on mental health is no different from physical fitness. Remember to warm up, hold good form, eat well, and take the break you need from the strenuous breakdown and reconstruction. Mental health is a long term goal.

I also had an announcement to make. A further revelation of my plans for the year.

I’m in the process of developing a not for profit for individuals with PTSD that employs art as a healing modality, locally, here in Toronto. Honestly, no lie, I’m shitting bricks because I have to present the idea to what could become donors and sponsors next week and help me bring the vision to fruition!

I’m not just seeking to freak you all out with prophesying doom and celebrating our sadness and rage. Though we need it and it feels good!

I’m actively involved in leveraging my passion, experience, knowledge, and education to bring scientifically informed solutions to the problems I’m highlighting that aren’t limited to medications and therapy. I can’t say more right now, but I can’t wait for when I can. Very soon. Hopefully next week. Though if you would like to know more and help out, feel free to reach out so we can scratch our heads together, especially if you are a mental health professional interested in supporting me in helping people with PTSD connect, express themselves, and grow. I’m working on the Toronto area at the moment, but I’m an ambitious person.

We can’t defeat evil, but we can light signal fires to let people know where they can get help. To my mind, this is the closest we can get to being real heroes. I have come to this same conclusion at the end of meditating, medicating, therapy, psychedelics, praying, screaming, crying, fighting, all of it. When life gives you every reason to end the pain, it is because we can’t tolerate being alive. The drug that made it possible for me to tolerate life was helping others. I’m not joking with you. My spirit animal is Harley Quinn. My girlfriend thinks I’m an insane drunk college girl on the inside. I’m a sinner as well. So long as I’m helping other people, hell fire is air conditioning to me.

Other people feeling better by my hand helps me sleep at night. That quells my anxiety, giving me the confidence to be my craziest and truest self. I’m excited to be coming out of a decades long dark night of the soul. I feel like I’m stretching my wings out for the first time since going hermit mode which was nearly 10 years ago. I’m every kind of weakened by the process of metamorphosis. Of conversion. Of forging a me out of the self I already was. I still don’t know who I’ve become. I think we are all always becoming. I’m also warmed to have you all there to cheer me on. So thank you for witnessing me! :)

Stay tuned for more! Thank you for the love! Reach out, and I never thought I’d say this, but for fucks sake, hit the like button!

Aun